Ain’t That a Bitch

Yep, that’s the one. If I had to name one, right now, at this moment in time, “Ain’t That a Bitch” from 1997′s “Nine Lives” is my favorite Aerosmith song.

But I don’t have to. I can name as many fucking Aerosmith songs as I want, and having listened to their entire discography up and down and in and out for the last two decades, I could fill a dozen mixtapes with favorite tracks.

But this was a fun way to experience the music, I must say. And I’m sure the results would have looked a lot different ten years ago, and will no doubt be something else entirely ten years from now. Or ten days, for that matter.

If you want to get a sense of where my head is at right now, or to discover a few of their songs you may not have heard before, I’ve put together this Spotify playlist to commemorate the Great Aerosmith Song-Off of 2014:

They are the songs that were the most painful to cut from the tournament, plus the winner, of course. (Two more songs, “Falling Off” and “Face,” are not available on Spotify at this time.)

This photo came up in a Google image search for "Aerosmith." I don't know why. I don't care why.

This photo came up in a Google image search for “Aerosmith.” I don’t know why. I don’t care why.

Part VI: The Grind

Joe Perry Fiery Foods

In the penultimate installment of the series, I will present the final three Aerosmith songs that are not, at this time in history, my “favorite” Aerosmith song. They are:

  • From “Nine Lives” (1997)
    • “The Farm”
    • “Falling Off”
  • From “Honkin’ on Bobo” (2004)
    • “The Grind”

Tomorrow the “winner” will be announced, but let’s face it: we are all winners having lived through this magical event. And just because I decided I like one thing a bit more than another thing does not mean I don’t like both things. I like lot of things, you guys.

I like Aerosmith.

Part IV: Let the Music Do the Talking

The band went through a weird phase in the early aughts.

The band went through a weird phase in the early aughts.

We’re getting closer, people! 8 more songs have been eliminated:

  • From “Get Your Wings” (1974)
    • “Train Kept A Rollin’”
  • From “Permanent Vacation” (1987)
    • “The Movie”
  • From “Pump” (1989)
    • “What It Takes”
    • “F.I.N.E.”
    • “Monkey on My Back”
  • From “Get a Grip” (1993)
    • “Line Up”
  • From “Nine Lives” (1997)
    • “Crash”
  • From “Just Push Play” (2001)
    • “Sunshine”

Part III: Train Kept A Rollin’

Joe Perry

… or: more Aerosmith songs, some of which I quite like, that still all have in common that there is at least on other Aerosmith song that I happen to like somewhat more.

(Continued from here, and here.)

  • From “Aerosmith” (1973)
    • “Mama Kin”
  • From “Get Your Wings” (1974)
    • “Woman of the World”
  • From “Toys In The Attic” (1975)
    • “Big Ten Inch Record”
  • From “Permanent Vacation” (1987)
    • “Rag Doll”
  • From “Pump” (1989)
    • “Voodoo Medicine Man”
  • From “Get a Grip” (1993)
    • “Livin’ on the Edge”
    • “Fever”
  • From “Nine Lives” (1997)
    • “Full Circle”
  • From “Just Push Play” (2001)
    • “Face”
    • “Trip Hoppin’”
    • “Under My Skin”
  • From “Honkin’ on Bobo” (2004)
    • “Back Back Train”
    • “Shame, Shame, Shame”
    • “I’m Ready”
    • “Road Runner”
  • From “Music from Another Dimension!” (2012)
    • “Out Go the Lights”

The Great Aerosmith Song-Off of Twenty-Fourteen, Part II

Remember how shitty cell phone cameras were in 2007?

Remember how shitty cell phone cameras were in 2007?

Bla, bla, bla.

Here are the Aerosmith songs that got eliminated from the 32nd-final:

  • From “Aerosmith” (1973)
    • “One Way Street”
    • “Somebody”
    • “Dream On”
  • From “Get Your Wings” (1974)
    • “Same Old Song and Dance”
  • From “Toys in the Attic” (1975)
    • “Toys in the Attic”
    • “No More No More”
  • From “Rocks” (1976)
    • “Sick as a Dog”
    • “Back in the Saddle”
  • From “Night in the Ruts” (1979)
    • “Chiquita”
  • From “Done With Mirrors” (1985)
    • “Let the Music Do The Talking”
    • “The Hop”
  • From “Permanent Vacation” (1987)
    • “Girl Keeps Coming Apart”
    • “Permanent Vacation”
    • “I’m Down”
  • From “Pump” (1989)
    • “Love in an Elevator”
    • “Don’t Get Mad, Get Even”
    • “The Other Side”
  • From “Get a Grip” (1993)
    • “Get a Grip”
    • “Flesh”
    • “Amazing”
    • “Shut Up and Dance”
    • “Cryin’”
  • From “Big Ones” (1994)
    • “Walk on Water”
  • From the “Box of Fire” bonus disc (1994)
    • “Circle Jerk”
  • From “Nine Lives” (1997)
    • “Something’s Gotta Give”
    • “Pink”
    • “Hole in My Soul”
    • “Fallen Angels”
  • From “Young Lust” (2001)
    • “Ain’t Enough”
  • From “Just Push Play” (2001)
    • “Fly Away from Here”
  • From “Honkin’ on Bobo” (2004)
    • Temperature”
    • “Baby, Please Don’t Go”

Same Old Song and Dance: Finding my Favorite Aerosmith Song

All the Aerosmith CDs

(As everything around here this is mostly for my own amusement, but why do anything without giving strangers (and friends) the option to comment on it, I figured.)

Instead of picking up smoking like all the cool kids I spent my youth getting weirdly obsessed with Boston rock phenomenon, and early Simpsons guest starsAerosmith.

I don’t listen to them as much anymore, but when I recently went through (and threw away most of) my CD collection (remember CDs?) I reckoned it was time to revisit their catalog. But instead of just listening to one album at a time like some kind of cave person, I made a copy of my Simpsons tournament bracket and replaced the episode titles with Aerosmith songs in random order. Because obviously I did!

Over the last couple of days I’ve been listening to each pair of songs and deciding afterwards which of the two stays and which one has to go. I go purely by gut feeling; I don’t claim to judge them by any kind of objective criteria or quality. It’s about what I like. Your mileage will inevitably vary.

Instead of sharing the whole bracket or individual match-ups (matches-up?) I’ll make things more exciting (again, my definition of ‘exciting’) by just posting the list of songs that didn’t make the cut after each round, culminating, if I’ve done the math correctly, in my most favorite Aerosmith song of all the Aerosmith songs.

But let’s start with the ones that didn’t make it past the first round. Of course this type of set-up means that you can’t really draw any conclusion as to how much I liked or didn’t like each of the songs posted below. Every one of them is only here because it was paired off against one that I liked more, maybe by a little, maybe by a lot. This is not a ranking. My least-favorite Aerosmith song is definitely on this list, but then maybe so is my second-favorite. You never know. (I’ll probably post some kind of ranking or best-of list at some time, though.)

Oh, also, because for some mysterious reason Aerosmith didn’t have the foresight to record exactly 128 songs, or 256, or any number like that, there had to be some fidgeting of things to make the bracket work. You don’t need to know about that stuff. Trust me.

Enough yapping. Here, in chronological order, are some of the songs of Aerosmith’s that are not my one, true, all-time, most favorite song of Aerosmith:

  • From “Aerosmith” (1973)
    • “Make It”
    • “Movin’ Out”
    • “Walkin’ the Dog”
    • “Write Me”
  • From “Get Your Wings” (1974)
    • “Spaced”
    • “S.O.S. (Too Bad)”
    • “Seasons of Wither”
    • “Pandora’s Box”
    • “Lord of the Thighs”
  • From “Toys in the Attic” (1975)
    • “Walk This Way”
    • “Sweet Emotion”
    • “Adam’s Apple”
    • “Round and Round”
    • “Uncle Salty”
    • “You See Me Crying”
  • From “Rocks” (1976)
    • “Get the Lead Out”
    • “Last Child”
    • “Nobody’s Fault”
    • “Lick and a Promise”
    • “Combination”
    • “Home Tonight”
    • “Rats in the Cellar”
  • From “Draw The Line” (1977)
    • “Bright Light Fright”
    • “Critical Mass”
    • “Draw the Line”
    • “I Wanna Know Why”
    • “The Hand That Feeds”
    • “Sight for Sore Eyes”
    • “Kings and Queens”
    • “Milk Cow Blues”
    • “Get It Up”
  • From “Live! Bootleg” (1978) or “Greatest Hits” (1980)
    • “Chip Away the Stone”
    • “Come Together”
    • “Mother Popcorn”
    • “I Ain’t Got You”
  • From “Night in the Ruts” (1979)
    • “Three Mile Smile”
    • “Cheese Cake”
    • “Think About It”
    • “Remember (Walking in the Sand)”
    • “No Surprize”
    • “Mia”
    • “Bone to Bone (Coney Island White Fish Boy)”
    • “Reefer Head Woman”
  • From “Rock in a Hard Place” (1982)
    • “Lightning Strikes”
    • “Jig Is Up”
    • “Joanie’s Butterfly”
    • “Cry Me a River”
    • “Push Comes to Shove”
    • “Rock in a Hard Place (Cheshire Cat)”
    • “Bolivian Ragamuffin”
    • “Jailbait”
    • “Bitch’s Brew”
  • From “Done With Mirrors” (1985)
    • “The Reason a Dog”
    • “Shame on You”
    • “She’s on Fire”
    • “My Fist Your Face”
    • “Darkness”
    • “Shela”
    • “Gypsy Boots”
  • From “Permanent Vacation” (1987)
    • “Angel”
    • “Dude (Looks Like a Lady)”
    • “St. John”
    • “Simoriah”
    • “Heart’s Done Time”
    • “Magic Touch”
  • From “Pump” (1989)
    • “My Girl”
  • From “Pandora’s Box” (1991)
    • “Rattlesnake Shake”
  • From “Get a Grip” (1993)
    • “Gotta Love It”
    • “Crazy”
    • “Eat the Rich”
    • “Walk on Down”
    • “Boogie Man”
    • “Can’t Stop Messin’”
  • From “Big Ones” (1994)
    • “Blind Man”
    • “Deuces Are Wild”
  • From the “Box of Fire” bonus disc (1994)
    • “Rocking Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu”
    • “Subway”
  • From “Nine Lives” (1997)
    • “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)”
    • “Taste of India”
    • “Attitude Adjustment”
    • “Kiss Your Past Good-Bye”
    • “Nine Lives”
    • “Fall Together”
  • From the “Armageddon” soundtrack (1998)
    • “What Kind of Love Are You On”
    • “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”
  • From “Stoned Immaculate” (2000)
    • “Love Me Two Times”
  • From the “Charlie’s Angels” soundtrack (2000)
    • “Angel’s Eye”
  • From “Just Push Play” (2001)
    • “Jaded”
    • “Avant Garden”
    • “Beyond Beautiful”
    • “Drop Dead Gorgeous”
    • “Just Push Play”
    • “Outta Your Head”
    • “Luv Lies”
    • “Light Inside”
  • From “Young Lust” (2001)
    • “Head First”
  • From the “Spider-Man” soundtrack? I guess? (2002)
    • “Theme from Spider-Man”
  • From “Honkin’ on Bobo” (2004)
    • “Eyesight to the Blind”
    • “Never Loved a Girl”
    • “Jesus Is on the Main Line”
    • “You Gotta Move”
  • From “Music from Another Dimension!” (2012)
    • “Lover Alot”
    • “Legendary Child”
    • “Something”
    • “Closer”
    • “What Could Have Been Love”
    • “Freedom Fighter”
    • “Can’t Stop Lovin’ You”
    • “Oh Yeah”
    • “We All Fall Down”
    • “Tell Me”
    • “Luv XXX”
    • “Beautiful”
    • “Another Last Goodbye”

Stay tuned for more thrilling lists!