Red Riding Hood

Come and gone to theaters without my notice, I just found out (via this story on Slate from February by Dana Stevens that she linked to in her review of Thor) about the recent Hollywood “adaptation” of Grimms’ Perrault’s the traditional fairy-tale Das Rotkäppchen Le Petit Chaperon Rouge La finta nonna, . Here, watch the trailer, I’ll wait:

And if your reaction is anything like mine, you’ll be thinking “Wait, what? How is this a movie? Why would anyone..? Wait… what? Huh?” while variably scratching your head or shaking it in disbelief.

This totally looks like a fake, a joke-trailer, right? The joke being the old trope “Look how Hollywood has run out of ideas!”

They even got Gary Oldman to act as though he couldn’t! And “From the director of Twilight” – great touch!

But, no. I looked into it, this movie really exists!

It baffles the mind. So in this version the big bad wolf is not a sexual predator (yes, that is what the Brothers Grimm version is about!) but a werewolf? Making this essentially “The Wolfman” with Amanda Seyfried instead of Benicio del Toro and possibly (although admittedly only slightly) even more awful? And because it’s Twilight-y, she falls in love with the wolf? Is this before or after he eats her grandmother?

Wait, no. I just watched the trailer again (research, I tell you!) and realized that what I thought was one guy are actually two guys. So this really is Twilight, with the pretty girl and the boy who is a werewolf and the other boy who sparkles a lot and they’re both fighting over her? (I’m assuming that’s what’s going on in Twilight?)

And I bet Oldman’s character only seems like such an asshole at first, but really he just wants to protect this village from the wolf and so in the end he and Hoody are working together to kill it but he dies (heroically, of course) trying to save her?

No, wrong again. I just read the whole dumb plot over at Wikipedia. It’s even more stupid than you’d think.

(Oh, just go ahead and read it. It’s not like you’re planning to actually watch the movie!)

4 thoughts on “Red Riding Hood

  1. Der Film kam letztens bei uns in der Sneak – wir sind gegangen. Das war einfach ZU dämlich.

  2. Nee, wir sind während des Films gegangen! Sonst hätten wir gleich zu Hause bleiben können… leider mussten wir doch ein paar Minuten unseres Lebens verschwenden.

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